These Advice shared by My Dad That Saved Me during my time as a New Parent

"I think I was just in survival mode for a year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth soon proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You must get support. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a broader inability to talk amongst men, who still absorb negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a sign of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a pause - taking a short trip away, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings as well as the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "poor choices" when younger to change how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he says. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your partner or a professional what you're going through. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, staying active and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their pain, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."