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The current period represents a ten-year milestone since the word “disappearing” entered the mainstream. Back then, the idea that someone could instantly end contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, finding a mate has only become more confounding – an frequently unsuccessful exercise in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online slang.

Gen Z, a generation who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted challenge on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a extensive guide to the phrases gen Z is using to talk about love, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Genuineness – In the view of Zoomers, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A social media test loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reply is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This means going for someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to pairs who choose against having children to focus on their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing dialogue, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal habits suggesting a prospective partner is trouble. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, poor tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks confirm your decision to date a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe niche, largely benign quirks. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band many young men likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that instantly kill any sense of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic act.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {